Today in Future News

June 1, 2009
"WJ recalls how he wrote a blog titled 'Today in Future News' that claimed 6 months after his initial quit date of January 1 2009 he still hadn't smoked a single cigarette, but destroyed the validity of that future news by writing a shitty blog about not smoking a single cigarette for 6 months after his initial quit date of January 1 2009 and then immediately going to the gas station and smoking 90 cigarettes in a row."

Enjoy your loophole. Give it a couple reads, I sure had to.

Capitasocialism

I'm sure there are better terms out there.

But this is what it is, and what it will be for the next while.

Heart y'all.

Fuck you

what do you say when a Jew forgives you?

thanks? state totally killled u of M?

thankfully, i know. because a fantastic jew is standing next to me. and he says 'you're forgiven'. seems like the appropriate response doesn't it, coming from religious fanaticism after all.

Bra Tricks

It's a split second, a moment of clarity that snaps you into a focused adrenaline rush of concentration, enabling you to fully realize and comprehend that you are about to google "bra tricks" instead of "bar tricks" on your work laptop.  What consequences would there be if I'd pulled up a slew of porn on this computer?  I don't know.  and I don't want to.  This is oil and gas my friends.  This is high stakes shit.  This is where men (and occasionally women) are defined, and trample on the decidedly boyish (and occasionally girlish). 

 

Or maybe my boss would just laugh and scratch his junk.  Hard to tell.

Bagdrammar

Am I alone in immediately discrediting a print/web news source as soon as I disover a mispelling? Do folks really trust there daily reports from other folks who don't care enough to spell good and take care of there grammer?  come on now, y'aLl.

The Curious Case of Child Actors

Please, please dear Hollywood... do not subject me to child actor speaking roles in the last 15 minutes of a 2 and a 1/2 hour movie.  Listening to a child actor try to talk old?  Really?  Have you heard/seen child actors?  They can hardly play children. 

Eating a Healthy Joint

Instead of once again clogging my arteries for dinner, tonight I grabbed some salmon from Albert Hein.  I decided at the last minute to add an ingredient to the line up... some of Amsterdam's finest (aka cheapest) sprinkled right on top of the olive oil covered fish.  I'll have to test this again (maybe unsuspectingly on my roommate) just to make sure there's no placebo charade going on, but I do believe I've got a nice little buzz.  And suddenly the world of cooking with marijuana seems AWESOME...