Whole Foods, Ann Arbor, Michigan

Upon being offered some parmigiano-reggiano by a nice Whole Foods employee, I of course accepted. Whether I meant it or not, the next sentence out of my mouth was "This is good, but it's not as good as the parmigiano I had in Italy last week."

In Kevin-speak, this probably translates to something like "Here's a perfect chance to try out some jackass-style humor, while at the same time announce to anyone in ear-shot that I was indeed in Italy last week and therefore am something of a big deal."

I do believe I heard a few nearby shoppers vomit, including Pat. I couldn't stop myself from laughing.

Oral Surgeon, Saline, Michigan

I couldn't avoid a sense of both accomplishment and panic when the nitrous oxide felt paltry relative to the other... stuff... I've been exposed to since college. On one hand, I've experimented and had fun and tried new things, which is what life's all about. On the other hand, perhaps a nice cocktail of... stuff... might be better for numbing me up.

And when the oral surgeon asked what kind of pain medication I'd like, I nearly let out a snarky giggle as I uttered through my cotton-stuffed mouth "Vicodin will be fine."

Espresso Royale, Ann Arbor, Michigan

Amazing insights and contributions to my Advanced Finance group are courteous of the melodic trances found in the Boards of Canada song "Davyan Cowboy." And the songs "Constants are Changing" and "Peacock Tail" too. I'm a sucker for wordless repetitive beats and electronic-y sounds.

Lemon out.

Espresso Royale, Ann Arbor, Michigan

The old woman who lived in the shoe is sitting 30 feet across from me with a Mac.  She's got the cutest overalls on with a blue pinstripe shirt, and a grey-haired bob that won't quit.  The modern backpack at her side suggests that despite her minimum 70 years age, she can walk to the coffee shop and lug around a laptop like the best of 'em.    

Rock on granny.  Even if it does look like you're falling asleep every few minutes. 

Rijswijk, Netherlands

To maybe four or five people, including myself, it's not surprising that I sometimes piss on things that are not toilets when severely drunk.  What is surprising, however, is that for once I remembered doing it.  WhileN Io won'tv revealo thet namel of the hotel, I'll say that I am slightly regretfull of vandalizing an internal hotel wall.  My bad.

Moscow, Russia

For every set of portable toilets in Moscow (think tailgate-style toilets), a crazy lady occupies at least one and keeps the door open.  Each of them keeps clothing and other shit in there, and occupy the space all day.  Why, I do not know.  I never got close enough to find out, but I'm sure I wouldn't want any part of it.

San Donato, Italy

How could I pass up something as tasty sounding and looking as a parmigiano reggiano burger?

I couldn't, but seeing as it was McDonald's, I really should have known better.  My brain made a bad decision, and once again my stomach paid the price.  Actually my colleague paid the price too as she had to pretend she couldn't hear my upset stomach all afternoon.  And better yet, what the hell am I doing eating at McDonald's in Italy?  All I can say is McD's has a firm grasp on the work time crunch.

Nelsonville, Ohio

Nelsonville, Ohio is home to both a guaranteed headache en route to OU, but more importantly the Ohio Valley Trading and Exchange store.  In large white block letters on the western facade of the store, Ohio Valley Trading and Exchange confidently promotes "Guns" and "Cash Loans".  Dearest darlingest momsie and popsicle, I now have all I need to be an Oxycodone-dealing Republican.

Sugar Grove Road, Ohio

On 33 West in Ohio, near Sugar Grove Road, a billboard sign reads "Abortion Stops a Beating". According to a good friend, there's also picture of a heart meant to complete the phrase, but I can't help wonder if some organization is secretly trying to tell Ohio that children surely wouldn't be beaten if they were never born. 

Let the name fool you

Witty Jean isn't feeling witty tonight, most likely due to the ambien he just tossed back.  Goodnight America, goodnight Milan.